I fear blood, I couldn’t stay with my wife in labour room — Ojukwu

The immediate past Deputy Director General and Head of Campus of the Nigerian Law School, Enugu, Prof. Ernest Ojukwu, tells TOPE  OMOGBOLAGUN what fatherhood has taught him How would you describe fatherhood? I feel great about being a father. It is a call to duty and responsibility. When did you marry? I got married in 1991. I was 30 years old when I got married. Do you think you married early or late? I would not say I married late, rather, I think I married at an average age; not early, not late, considering my environment and background. A good age for a young man to marry in Nigeria I would say. How many children do you have? We are blessed with five lovely children who have continued to make us proud. How many children did you initially intend to have?  I originally planned for two children and I thought my wife supported the number. But before we knew it, God cancelled our agreement and decided the number with the cooperation of my wife I guess. Did you have any fear about being a father? Definitely not. I looked forward to it. It was something I did not feel any burden about. Did your children come immediately after your wedding or you had to wait for a while? They came immediately. Though we had become spouses by customary marriage a few months earlier, we had our first baby nine months after the statutory marriage. How did you manage your waiting period? I was just anxious not knowing what to do or expect. How did you feel when you held your first child? It was very exciting. I just couldn’t believe it! I bonded with her immediately I saw her. Was she the gender you wished for? Yes. Many months before she was born, I knew she would be a female and I named her after my mother Nmema. I called my daughter Mema. We didn’t check to know her sex medically but somehow I wanted a girl like my mother. My mother was also the first child of her parents. Were you in the labour room with your wife when she gave birth to any of your children? No, I wasn’t though I was by the door making attempt to peep or not to peep in the case of the first baby. I have a terrible fear of blood. I still refuse to watch bloody scenes even on TV till today. What are some of the things you learnt from your father that you have passed to your children? My father taught me to be gentle, very kind and to be a trouble shooter. These are virtues I have also inculcated in my children. Did you ever spank your children? No, I didn’t. Since they are children, I didn’t even threaten them with spanking. Now they are all grown. How do you reward them for their good deeds? All my children are generally of good behaviour as children and so we don’t isolate any of them for special gifts. Any time we decided to give a special gift, we made sure it would go round the five kids. The only special rewards that they were singled out for were praises, commendations and encouraging talks for particular actions, deeds or achievements. Now that they are all grown-ups, the practice has remained the same. What’s your children’s perception of you? I am not sure it would be okay for me to answer this question. It would be best answered by my children. What do your children tease you about? They often tease me that I am a teacher always and they tell me that I am too orderly. What are the things that fatherhood denied you of? I do not think fatherhood took anything from me. I actually think it gave me more than taking if anything can be said to have been taken. It is very joyful and rich to have a family especially a loving and peaceful one like mine and very bright children. It is very fulfilling. Is any of your children following in your career path? Not any one for now. Though three of them are lawyers, none of them is in the legal business or legal education business. They have other passions. How do you combine being a father with your hectic schedule? [caption id="attachment_109311" align="alignnone" width="640"] The Ojukwus[/caption] It is a difficult task but I had to just strive to create a balance between work and home. It became harder as I grew in the legal profession. My wife is also in the legal field now as a judge and she paid more prices to look after the home front. When the children were younger, we made it a point to save for a holiday outside our immediate environment once in a year and we would spend a period together in a closed environment where we had no work to attend to. We made sure we attended the children’s visiting days at school and special programme days. How do you appreciate your wife? I take her out on dinner dates, vacations, buy her gifts and compliment her and her efforts for home and work. How often do you help with household chores? I really do help a lot in that aspect because I believe it is also my house. I help clean my premises, do gardens, mop floors and cook. I cook very well. How do you relax? I relax by watching movies and drinking stout. What is your advice to children without fathers? I really don’t know what to say because I have no experience on this. It must be difficult and challenging not having a father figure in one’s life. As a child, I remember that the return of my father from workplace changed my behaviour a bit for the rest of the day. In situations of fear, I would not think anything was dangerous or could frighten me if my father was with me. In spite of the father figure in my life, my mother had a dominant influence on me and guided me very well to adulthood. I would advise children without fathers not to feel deprived but to look up to their mothers for protection and guidance just as a father would have done. They would need to live above the psychological vacuum created by the absence of a father and be good children for their mothers. Culled from Punch]]>