A Nigerian man, Mr. Francis Ushie, has recounted how he became separated from his wife and four children after they relocated to Canada ahead of him, saying he flew out to join them, could not find them, and was left stranded at the airport in Calgary before returning to Nigeria on the ticket he had travelled with.
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Speaking in a seated interview published on YouTube by The Rest of Us, Ushie said he had been married to a woman from Ughelli in Delta State, and that the relationship became strained after what he described as family issues and a misunderstanding.
“Somehow family issues happened. We had a little misunderstanding,” he said, adding that it concerned an allegation on her part, and observing: “Anybody can be in that problem.”
“Maybe When We Leave This Environment, Things Will Be Better For Us”
Ushie said he had hoped that relocating would repair the marriage.
“So I decided that, okay, maybe when we leave this environment that maybe things will be better for us,” he said. “So when the Canadian residency permit came for us to live with my family, that was the main reason I resigned voluntarily from the banking job.”
The Year The Audit Took
He said the family’s permanent residency came through and his wife travelled ahead of him with their four children, while he remained behind because his former employer had to complete an audit of his position.
“So I resigned, and then when the permanent residency came, they left before me. She left with our four children. And I was still behind because the bank needed to audit my position,” he said.
“So it took the bank almost one year to audit me. So that was the reason I could not travel to Canada with my family.”
“She Blocked Me And Didn’t Give Me The Address”
Ushie said that once his wife arrived, he lost the means to reach her.
“Unfortunately, when my wife got there, she blocked me and didn’t give me the address where she was staying — or even where she is still staying with the children even till today,” he said.
Stranded At Calgary
He said he travelled in November 2014 without an address to go to.
“So I eventually went to Canada in 2014, November, and I could not locate where my wife was staying with our children. I was stranded at the airport. That is YYC Airport in Canada. That is Alberta, Calgary,” he said.
He said he boarded a plane back. “Somehow, because I had a return ticket to come and do some other things in Nigeria, so because I could not locate my wife, I boarded a plane back to Nigeria because I was stranded at the airport. We could not locate her.”
Why He Came Back, And What He Expected
Ushie said he had two reasons to return, and that both failed.
“One of the reasons was that I needed to get compensation from the Lagos State Government for my house that was demolished,” he said. He also referred to an import arrangement he had registered, saying: “I was hoping that that one too, the money will come, and I’ll be able to go back to Canada. Even if I could not locate her, I’ll be able to transfer business between Canada and Nigeria.”
Neither materialised. “Unfortunately, when I got to Nigeria, I also got stranded here.”
Twelve Years
He put the period of the estrangement at more than a decade.
“So since 2016 to now, I’ve been stranded here,” he said, and later: “It is about 11 years going to 12 years now. I’m still like this.”
He said he had sought reconciliation and would not press it.
“For my wife, I tried for us to reconcile and up till now she’s not ready to reconcile. I cannot force her. As the saying goes, ‘You can take a horse to the river, but you cannot force that horse to drink from that river.’ So I’m not forcing her.”
Of his circumstances, he said: “Apart from being a refugee, I’ve no companion for now,” adding later: “Even I’m a refugee, even that no woman is ready to take me in this condition now. But if my own wife is ready, fine. But I’m not even bothered about that.”
“She Has Stopped The Children From Communicating With Me”
Ushie said the loss of contact with his children was the part he could not accept.
“Unfortunately also, she has stopped the children from communicating with me. That is another angle to the whole thing again,” he said.
“For now I’m not reaching my children. Only one of my sons — even when I send him a mail, he’s in the social media. If I send him a mail, it takes him three, four months or even five months to read my mail. So even when he reads the mail, he doesn’t respond positively.”
He said he was weighing what to do. “I’m still considering maybe I should write to the Canadian government to let them know that this is what has happened. I’m still considering so many options.”
“There Is Nothing Like Irreconcilable Differences”
Ushie said he remained open to reconciliation but would not insist on it.
“Me, I’m still ready to reconcile with my wife, or whatever differences. I think in the marriage there is nothing like irreconcilable differences. All differences can be reconciled if the two are willing. But if one party feels that the situation is irreconcilable, well, fine. So I will not force her back to it.”
He said his request was narrower than reconciliation. “My issue is that she should allow the children talk with me. If the children talk to me, I will be okay — be able to discuss with them and let them know that, look, I’m not an irresponsible father.”
“Somebody Was Responsible”
Ushie set out what he says he paid for, and asked his children to weigh it.
“If you check how much is to send one person from here to Canada or America, then times five of them, even as at that time — then how will such a father be an irresponsible father?” he said.
“The children should be thinking now. Even if their mother or whatever their mother is telling them, they should be thinking. They didn’t trek from Nigeria to Canada or to the USA. Somebody was responsible, and who was responsible is their father.”
He said his wife had not been in employment. “Your mother was a full housewife. She was never working. She never put a dime to that arrangement.”
He listed what he said he met: “From corresponding paper of five years, passport, flight, two years’ rent abroad that I paid for her, and all that.”
He closed with a direct address. “The children, I’m not an irresponsible father. Just check those things and you will see that your father is a very, very responsible father. So please my children, I am a very, very responsible father.”
Editor’s note: this report is an account given by one party to a family dispute. The woman and the children referred to are not named here and have not been heard. The allegations Mr. Ushie makes about his wife, including as to the cause of their estrangement, are his alone, are untested, and should be read as such.
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