Duty Of Children To Respect Their Parents Vis-À-Vis The Islamic Law Perspective

By Hossein Saheed

In The Name Of Allâh The Omniscient, The Omnipresent and The Omnipotent.
Whomever Allâh guides, no one can lead him astray. Whomever Allâh sends astray, no one can guide him. The truest word is the Book of Allâh and the best guidance is the guidance of Muhammad. The evilest matters are those that are newly invented, for every newly invented matter is an innovation. Every innovation is misguidance, and every misguidance is in the Hellfire.

INTRODUCTION
The question of whether or not children are mandated in Islam to respect their parents generates a lot of controversies between the writers. Students of knowledge are not left out in this intellectual confusion. They keep donating their own views gathered from the scholars of their choice to find lasting solution to the confusion.

On this topic of discussion, however, some writers submit that it is haram (forbidden) in Islam to greet by bowing, kneeling or prostrating with a ground that they are meant to be used in serving Allâh alone rather than using it to greet or respect anybody. This is to say that those aspects meant only for the purpose of glorification. The writers, however, can be presumed to mean that greeting should be by standing as this writer also take note of the fact that prostration should be made not to anybody except Allâh, The Exalted as stated in Qur’ân 13:15. Nevertheless, standing is also amongst of the ways we serve and glorify Allâh.

What then is the right way to greet in Islam considering the fact that there are different people with different cultures and traditions in the world? To answer this question, we have to understand that Islam come not to destroys or eradicates people’s cultures and traditions. Some say the words “Assalam Alaeykum warahmatuLlah wabarkaatuh” is enough but,  if it is enough why do people in Saudi Arabia hug one another while greeting after the saying of the aforesaid words?

Arab culture is not the culture of Islam and vice versa. This is to the effect that each tribe is at liberty to practices its cultures provided it is not in contradiction to the position of Shariah. If Allâh, the exalted wants us to practice same culture He would have created us in one nation, Qur’ân 5:48. Arab culture is not as the same as other cultures significantly Yoruba (one of the major three tribes in Nigeria) culture. In Yoruba culture, it is considered arrogant and disrespectful for one to stand erect in greeting, it applies to some other cultures in the same way. This is not against the Sunnah as it is stated by the Prophet, peace and blessings of Allâh be upon him in an hadith that action will be judged according to the intention. Narrated Umar bin Al-Khattab: I heard Allâh’s Messenger (ﷺ) saying, the reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended. So whoever emigrated for worldly benefits or for a woman to marry, his emigration was for what he emigrated for.

Reference : Sahih al-Bukhari 1 In-book reference : Book 1, Hadith 1.

RECOGNITION OF PROSTRATION AS A SIGN OF RESPECT IN ISLAM
As a matter of knowledge, two types of bowing is recognized, bowing to worship and bowing to respect. The former can be made only to Allâh, the  exalted while the later can be made to human being like elders, kings, sultans, parents, teachers etc. This is evident in the Qur’ân where Allâh, the  exalted ordered the angels to prostrate to Prophet Adam (A.W) in showing respect to him.

Allâh says: “And (remember) when We said to the angels: “prostrate yourselves before Adam.” And they prostrated except Iblis (Satan), he refused and was proud and was one of the disbelievers (disobedient to Allâh).”  Qur’ân 2:34. All the angels prostrated for Adam save Iblis (Satan), and due to this he was degraded and disgraced.

To buttress the point more, in recognition of the spiritual greatness of Prophet Yusuf (A.W), his entire family after Allâh reunited them bowed to him to respect him. This is evident in the Qur’ân where Allâh says: “And he raised his parents to the throne and they fell down before him prostrate…” Qur’ân 12:100.

Prophets and the messengers are the saint people of Allâh sent to preach to the people on earth. The former do not have law, they only follow the law of a messenger sent before them. The later have law and the law has binding force on people till another messenger is sent. This takes the argument of this writer to the fact that prostrating as a form of greeting as displayed during the time of Prophet Yusuf and Adam has been outlawed by the new law brought by the last Prophet, the last messenger of Allâh, Prophet Muhammad in the Qur’ân but it does not frown at showing signs in greeting people like parents, elders, kings, sultans, teachers etc.

Therefore, bowing  when greeting according to this writer, cannot become Shirk as seen by some muslim brothers provided the intention is to greet alone. If it is Shirk the angels that Allâh commanded to prostrat for Prophet Adam (A.W) would have been the first Mushrikun. Cultures cannot practice the same system of greeting. To shed more light on this and to buttress the point more, the following are some Qur’ânic and hadith provisions that shed more light on the confusion.

POSITION OF THE QUR’ÂN AND HADITH IN RESPECTING PARENTS IN ISLAM
It is provided in the Qur’ân that: “And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say no to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in term of honour.” Qur’ân 17:23.

“And lower to them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was young.” Qur’an 17:24.

In talking about how children are ordained by Allâh, the exalted  to give an extra honour and respect to their parents no matter the circumstance, the above quoted verse of the holy Qur’ân cannot be set aside. In the verse Allâh, commands that a word of disrespect should not be uttered against parents. Even shouting at parents is frowned at by Him (Allâh). He further stated that children should lower their wings of arrogance to their parents.

In an hathid, Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings of Allâh be upon him, while stating the four things Allâh forbids for us, he reiterated that Allâh has forbidden a child to be undutiful to his/her parents. Narrated Al-Mughira: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, Allâh has forbidden you ( 1 ) to be undutiful to your mothers (2) to withhold (what  you should give) or (3) demand (what you do not deserve), and (4) to bury your daughters alive. And  Allâh has disliked that (A) you talk too much about others ( B), ask too many questions (in religion),  or (C) waste your property. Sahih al-Bukhari 5975 In-book reference : Book 78, Hadith 6

The Prophet, peace and blessings of Allâh be upon him, narrated in another hadith that it is a greatest sin of the highest order for a child to be undutiful to his parent. Narrated Ab Bakra: Allâh’s Messenger (ﷺ) said thrice, “Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?  We said, Yes, O  Allâh’s Messenger (ﷺ) He said, To join partners in worship with Allâh: to be undutiful to one’s parents. The Prophet (ﷺ) sat up after he had been reclining and added, And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness. The Prophet kept on saying that warning till we thought that he would not stop.”

Sahih al-Bukhari 5976. In-book reference : Book 78, Hadith 7

Allâh, The Exalted in another verse, links the rights owed to Him to the rights owed to parents.

Allâh says in the Holy Qur’ân: “And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weaknesses and hardship, and his weaning is in two years- give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is the final destination.” Qur’ân 31:14.

It is clear from the verse that once one give thanks to Allâh for creating him, the next person to thank is the parents. It is through the parents the predestination that one would be given birth to comes to reality, yet, some find it interesting and enjoyable to abuse and be rude to parents. There is no evidence for their rudeness in both the Qur’ân and hadith.

The above Qur’ânic verse is corroborated by hadith injunction stating that children should not be unkind or undutiful to parents. Narrated Anas bin Malik: Allâh’s Messenger (ﷺ) mentioned the greatest sins or he was asked about the greatest sins. He said, to  join  partners in worship with Allâh; to kill a soul which Allâh has forbidden to kill; and to be undutiful or unkind to one’s parents. The Prophet (ﷺ) added, shall  I inform you of the biggest of the great sins? That is the forged statement or the false witness. Shu`ba (the sub-narrator) states that most probably the  Prophet said, the false witness.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5977 In-book reference : Book 78, Hadith 8

In another narration, the Prophet peace and blessings of Allâh be upon him said child should be good to parents. Narrated Al-Walid bin ‘Aizar: I heard Abi `Amr ‘Ash-Shaibani saying, the  owner of this house. he pointed to Abdullah’s house,  said, ‘I asked the Prophet (ﷺ) which deed is loved most by Allâh? He replied, to offer prayers at their early (very first) stated times. Abdullah asked, what is the next (in goodness)? The Prophet (ﷺ) said,  to  be good and dutiful to one’s parents, Abdullah asked, what is the next (in goodness)? The  Prophet (ﷺ) said, to participate in Jihad for Allâh’s cause. Abdullah added, the  Prophet (ﷺ) narrated to me  these three things, and if I had asked more, he would have told me more.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5970 In-book reference : Book 78, Hadith 1

With the consideration of the above provisions of the Qur’ân and hadith, it can be understood that one of the greatest sins in Islam is to display rudeness towards one’s parents, and this is sadly the norm among the current generation.

DUTY OF CHILDREN TO BE KIND TO NON-MUSLIM PARENTS
The position of Islam on this is not far fetched. Parents are parents regardless of their religion. If a child is a muslim and has non-muslim parents as it happened to Prophet Ibrahim (A.W), his duty is to respect them and be kind to them just as Prophet Ibrahim did during his life time when he honored and respected his pagan parent. The only exception is if parents offer to a child to worship idol or associate any other thing with Allâh or join in worship with Allâh what the child has no knowledge of, the offer should be turned down with respect and kindness.

Allâh, The Exalted says: “But if they (both) strive with you to make you join with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not; and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you used to do.” Qur’an 31:15.

In an Hadith narrated by Asma, regardless of the fact that parent is a pagan, Prophet, peace and blessings of Allâh be upon him, command a child to do good to his pagan mother. Narrated Asma’: My mother who was a Mushrikah (pagan, etc.), came  with her father during the period of peace pact between the Muslims and  the Quraish infidels. I went to seek the advice of the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, My mother has arrived and she is hoping (for my favor). The Prophet (ﷺ) said, Yes, be good to your mother.

Sahih al-Bukhari 5979. In-book reference : Book 78, Hadith 10.

CONCLUSION

It should be to noted that respect to parents is one of the most important duties of a child. No excuse can be given as a reason not to respect them. Allâh, the  exalted  respects their position as parents and that is why He (Allâh) gives directive that they should be respected in different verses of the Qur’ân. Greeting parents when due with high degree sense of humbleness is regarded as one of the inescapable was  to respect them. One of the ways to display a dutiful mind to parents is to assist them in day to day activities that do not contradict Sharia.

Prophet Ibraheem (A.W) was from a pagan family,  however, despite his knowledge of deen (religion) and the implications of the religion his father practiced , he loved no one above his father. He tried to convince his father to believe in the oneness of God (Monotheism) but, his actions proved abortive. In the command of his father, Prophet Ibraheem (A.W) hawked idols on different occasions to please his father and manifests his dutiful mind. The Prophet did these and still maintain his faith, and it did not reduce his position before Allâh.

Respecting parents is an aspect of satisfying and worshipping Allâh, the exalted . If parents are angry with a child Allâh is angry with him, and if they are happy with him Allâh will be happy with him too. May Allah guides and protects us to the right path.

REFERENCES

(i). The Nobel Qur’ân In English Language By Dr. Muhammad Taqî-ud al-Hilâlî, Formerly Professor of Islamic Faith and Teachings Islamic University, al-Madinah al-Munawwara and Dr. Muhammad Mushin Khân, Formerly Director, University Hospital, Islamic University, al-Madinah al-Munawwara.

(ii). Hadith, Sahih Bukhari

(iii).  Hadith, Sahih Muslim

(iv). https://abuaminaelias.com/dailyhadithonline/2014/02/16/every-bidah-is-misguidance-fire/ accessed on 5th August, 2020

(iiv) https://www.quora.com/Do-angels-bow-down-to-Adam-in-the-Quran-I-thought-I-had-read-that-but-I-want-to-make-sure accessed on 5th August, 2020.

Hossein Saheed, Law Student, Faculty of Law, Al-hikmah University, Ilorin, Kwara State., +23407030265309, Saheedhussein2004@gmail.com