A second marriage has many ‘complications’ too

Elizabeth Badejo eb_africadreamwedding@yahoo.com www.stringmynaijawedding.com …08097360766 Taking the bold step towards a second marriage after a failed one can also be very difficult as it is fraught with many complications regardless of the love you both have for each other. Your declaration will not go without condemnation from certain members of your families, friends and loved ones. Just like embarking on a new venture, you will receive several opinions from your supporters as well as your critics. On the other hand those who really understand why you truly deserve to move on will certainly receive the news with joyful hearts while others who may have their own reservations; it could be everything but pleasant in their ears. Ignorance of the past Statistics shows that second marriages have more difficulties surviving if the couples are ignorant of the mistakes of the past. It is usually a matter of being able to manage a divorce once and less anxious of going through a third process if the second one fails. As beautiful as it is to have a desire to marry again, it is also important to have a good understanding of why your first marriage failed so that you can both embark on this new journey, avoiding the mistakes of your pasts. An old wine syndrom When you’ve been there and done it, it is easier to take things for granted and presume it is business as usual since you are in a familiar territory and preparing to put an old wine in a new wine bottle. Unfortunately, every marriage is different and it’s important that you do not embark on this new beginning with the same old notions, attitude and expectations of your first marriage; it’s a recipe for failure even before you begin. A second baggage From the moment you announce your intention to your children, you must both be sincere and ready to manage their feelings as a family. Sensitivity will become your greatest virtue when trying to convince some of them that embracing a new beginning will be for the benefit of all as some children would naturally reject the thought of sharing their beloved mother/father with someone else. Family crisis As great as it sounds to move on, it can become a bad situation for grown up children who may have a totally different view especially if you have kept them in the dark up until now. It is important to engage them in dialogue which also allows them to express their fears, concern and perhaps disapproval especially if they are yet to come to terms with your divorces and this news is certainly not the kind they are expecting to receive at this time. Seeking their opinion does not translate to seeking their consent; it prepares them for the future as the more they know now the better for the inevitable changes and the more transparent you are with them now the better for all concerned in the end. Notes

• A second marriage usually comes with many other packages, top of the list are the children involved either from both sides or one and they can also become one of the keys to the success or failure of the marriage too.

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