Halima Kazaure, former wife of Bashir El-Rufai, son of former Kaduna State Governor Nasir El-Rufai, has opened up about the end of their marriage, revealing that the union ended in 2024 when their twin sons were two years old.
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Kazaure, a lawyer, reflected on the marriage, divorce, single motherhood, heartbreak and the emotional burden of appearing strong while privately struggling in a personal essay titled “Memoirs of a Single Nigerian Twin Mum with ADHD,” published on her Substack on Wednesday.
Her reflections come after Bashir had earlier spoken publicly about their relationship, claiming that she initially made advances towards him and eventually proposed marriage. He had also said he ended the marriage because he did not have time to deal with what he described as “Gen Z problems.”
Kazaure’s essay, however, did not directly respond to those claims or set out the specific circumstances that led to the collapse of the marriage.
Instead, she used the experience to reflect on her long-standing scepticism about marriage, her relationship with love and the tendency to prepare emotionally for loss even while things appeared to be going well.
“I became a single mother when my boys were two. My marriage ended in 2024. The truth is that I had never had much faith in marriage. I didn’t grow up surrounded by enough examples that convinced me men were particularly safe places to put your heart,” she wrote.
She said that even before getting married, she had an underlying feeling that the relationship might eventually fail.
“Somewhere inside me, I think I knew my marriage would end before it even began. Imagine entering a marriage already preparing for its funeral,” she said.
Kazaure described herself as someone who often expects things to go wrong, even during periods of happiness, saying she frequently found herself “waiting for the next shoe to drop.”
Although she spoke openly about the emotional impact of the divorce, she did not accuse her former husband of misconduct or identify any particular event as the reason the marriage ended.
She further disclosed that several months after the divorce, she fell in love again, only for that relationship to also end in heartbreak.
“Then my marriage actually ended. And somehow, several months later, I fell in love again. Of course I did. For someone with so little faith in men, I have a ridiculous amount of faith in love. I trusted again. Hoped again. Imagined again. And got my heart broken again,” she wrote.
Kazaure also used humour to describe her experiences with relationships, referring to the popular expression that “men will stain your white.”
“There is a saying that men will stain your white. The irony is that I love wearing white. I spent almost an entire month wearing white to work. This is a terrible choice because I am clumsy and perpetually rushing,” she said.
She recalled a friend at work asking why she continued wearing white despite frequently staining her clothes while eating.
According to Kazaure, speaking openly about difficult and sometimes embarrassing experiences allows her to take ownership of her story before others can weaponise those experiences against her.
Despite the changes she has experienced in relationships, business, hobbies and friendships, she said her twin sons remained the one constant in her life.
She described the children as the only part of her life she had never grown tired of, noting that businesses had come and gone, hobbies had changed and some friendships had suffered over time.
Her essay presents the end of her marriage less as an accusation against her former husband and more as a personal reflection on fear, love, disappointment, resilience and raising her twin sons as a single mother.
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