Today, many people are enduring rather than enjoying their marriages. Some have given up, breaking the marital vow of ‘for better or for worse, till death do us path.’ Sometimes, children are at the receiving end. Someone divorces his/her spouse, leaving some messages for the children. The first message to the children is ‘I brought you into this world to suffer and I don’t care what happens to you. I am off to seek comfort for myself.’ The second message is that ‘when you grow up, don’t show love or fall in love with an opposite sex because they are an evil breed’. The third message is that ‘marriage is like a business partnership or contract where you pull out when you feel like doing so’. The fourth message is that ‘everyone came into this world for him/herself. There is no sanctity in the family union and institution and it can be discarded or despised’. There are so many other generational baggage that have continued to increase divorce rates in the world. Most people who rush to break their marital vows fail to realize that there is a superior third party in this agreement. Your marital vow and relationship is not all about you and your spouse. God or Satan (whichever you choose and invite) is involved in this deal. Your marriage is about your destiny as God’s creation. There are significant events in your lifetime on the path of destiny. They include the day you are born by your parents, the day you get born again (accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and personal Saviour), the day you get married and the day you die. These experiences are directed and controlled by forces that you choose to define them. The atheist could have an argument here but truth has no respect for argument on facts. Marriage is a destiny issue and the destiny of everyone God created, including you, is success rather than failure (Jeremiah 1:5, 29:11), except you yield to the control of Satan, God’s enemy. Getting a divorce is one of the hardest decisions to make especially when children are involved. Leaving someone whom you pledged to love till the end, isn’t as easy as most people think. Divorce is that kind of experience that alters every part of your life and takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. It is particularly hell and criminal when one party physically assaults the other repeatedly, almost killing the person. Yet, advisers urge you to stay put in the marriage. Yes, it could be wise to stay away temporarily when threat to life is involved. This is still not divorce. Divorce is an extreme case that sometimes tends to suggest you have always been eager to leave the marriage from the beginning and this puts a question mark on your own integrity. I do not intend to leave a judgmental note of finality here because counseling experience indicates that circumstances which lead to divorce are as diverse as one can imagine. But what is God’s position? An enemy of God has no hope of joy and peace and what makes someone God’s enemy is simply disobedience to his instructions. The manufacturer of a car provides guidelines for its operation and gives you the manual, along with the car. Operating outside the recommended guidelines creates a problem. In the same vein, God is the founder and owner of the marital institution. Any attempt to operate outside the guidelines he has provided is bound to produce problems. Many cases of divorce have been traced to marital foundation as some people marry strangers, only to jump out of the marriage on discovering that they married someone else’s spouse. If you are reading this piece and you are still single, know that choosing a spouse and indulging in courtship is not a child’s play. Life, and indeed, marriage is like a journey by road with so many bus stops on the way. When you get to a point where there is a challenge such as flat tyre and so on, you do not decide to settle down at that spot, ending the journey unexpectedly just because of that challenge. Rather, you seek solution to that challenge so that you can continue the journey and get to your destination. As a married person, divorce is not the first option of numerous solutions to a sudden change in the character of your spouse. Sometimes, that change is even a mere suspicion or perception. Misunderstanding is common, even in your relationship with blood relatives, including your mother. If you cannot disown your mother, father or other relatives because they offend you, then divorce is not an option; for offences must come. For couples getting divorced or thinking about it, there are a lot of things to consider before making such a move. When you are fed up with the relationship, it is easy for you to say that one cannot understand what you are going through. You wear the shoe and know where it pinches. In fact, to you, nobody can understand. But I will advise you to pay attention to godly people’s subtle description of your attitude. It will really help you adjust your perspective. In most situations in life, if you change the way you look at things, things will change the way they look. Surprisingly, it might enable you discover whether or not you have a contribution to the problem. If there is, it will help you adjust your life and work on your flaws. For instance, if you have bad habits like jealousy, envy, extravagance, lust and pride, these habits will leave you unhappy in marriage. Replace them with worthy virtues. Stop looking for a license to divorce your spouse; start looking for instruments to restore or strengthen your love, intimacy and bonding. If your life is truly under threat in your marriage, this is a peculiar issue and you need a godly counsel. Read more in the book, MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu. We can also communicate via contacts above this piece. Your marriage shall be a blessing and a testimony in Jesus name (Amen). ]]>