Many divorce cases have been attributed to irreconcilable differences. However, behind such differences are certain basic causes of divorce, which are products of the devil’s operation. What are some causes of divorce? 1. Self: The rate of divorce and marital crisis in our society is quite alarming and most of the unpalatable situations among Christians are very avoidable but for the failure of the parties involved to die to self. “Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (John 16:24, NIV). If you desire a joyful and successful marriage, then, you must drop your ‘self.’ This is the only way you can love your partner so deeply, forgive and forget offences easily, protect and cherish the person. As long as you are ruled by self with ‘a whole me’ syndrome, you cannot succeed in marriage (John 12:24-25, NIV). The originator of the marital institution is God and therefore, operating outside the manual of the creator is a journey to failure and destruction. Unless you die to self as a husband or wife, your marriage can never work. Jesus must be allowed to take over and rule over you. “I am crucified with Christ: Nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20, KJV). “…God resisted the proud but giveth grace unto the humble” (James 4:6, KJV). “God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble” (NLT). My brother! My sister! Except Jesus is allowed to rule instead of self, there is no way you will not cheat, beat, hate, abhor, and quarrel or divorce your spouse. As a husband, you cannot assist your wife with domestic chores even if she is sick or pregnant, except you die to self. As a wife, you cannot live up to your husband’s expectations except you die to self. So, if you don’t want to fall into the troubles of divorce, die to self in your marriage. 2. Spiritual manipulation/ third party influence: It is possible for a parent, in-law, colleague or any other ungodly person who is unhappy with your intimacy with your spouse or lack of it, to consult an evil spiritualist, get some mystic powers and begin to use them to work towards the breaking of your marriage. Solution? Know Christ and engage his powers (Luke 10:19). Be prayerful and spiritually sensitive. Do you suspect or think your marriage is already under spiritual manipulation? Do you now perceive your spouse, who you initially loved so deeply as a dispensable person for no particular reason? You need deliverance and it is possible to get it. The major third party that must be allowed in your marriage is God, except in cases where one party in the relationship suspects or witnesses a physical threat to life. Even in this case, caution is required. Are you secretly dating someone of the opposite sex when you are a married person? Are you leaking or sharing with an outsider, confidential information in matters affecting your marriage? If your answer is yes, then the troubles of divorce are close to your marriage except you review what you are doing. “There is a path before each person that seems right, but it ends in death” (Proverbs 14:12). 3. Materialism/ love of money: I once counselled someone who told me that his wife left him because he was not able to buy her the kind of clothes, car and jewelleries that her friends bought. Are you currently threatening your spouse because of such situation? Please know that marital relationship is too sacred and spiritual to be placed on the pillar of money and other mundane things. Money is good and important but “the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows” (1 Timothy 6:10). 4. Faulty foundation: If you marry someone majorly because of the person’s plum job, current financial status, physical attributes, tribe, religious or denominational identity, colour, rich relatives, pre-marital sexual activity and other wrong reasons for marriage, you may not escape the troubles of divorce except you change your mindset (Romans 12:2). Avoid hypocritical acts and pretences during courtship because that is the point to define what you expect the future to hold for your marriage. For instance, you do not need any prophet to tell you that someone who physically assaults you during courtship is already a threat to your lifespan and therefore, cannot marry you. Above all, let your marriage be founded on Christ. “For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 3:11). 5. Threat to life: I cannot encourage you to remain with a spouse who physically assaults you regularly and is almost taking your life. However, the Bible totally disagrees with divorce. “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6). “And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her who is put away doth commit adultery” (Matthew 19:9-10). Now, what you do if you are genuinely undergoing threat to life in marriage (because some people actually seek and create flimsy excuses for divorce), is to first, check your life to see if there are things you do that usually attract your spouse’s physical assault. If there are, address them. Then, jointly seek counsel from your trusted spiritual leader (Pastor, Priest, etc). Then, pray over the issue. If it persists, then, you can temporarily separate yourself from the person, still under the Biblical conditions that you will not marry any other person. Of course, you know you cannot further offend God with a sin of adultery while you are married. Above all, increase the capacity of God in your heart. When this is done, you will understand that the same God who raised a dead person, converted a native doctor and armed robber and made him a preacher of the gospel of Christ is also able to convert your spouse from the sin of physically assaulting you. Pray for your spouse and marriage. Have faith in God and he will surprise you.]]>