May be you had a fight earlier on and settled it, a part of you is still angry but you are cool with it and those hands came, you are dragged down the memory lane (the unimaginable heavens you go to whenever that happens) part of you still being angry and weak at the same time paves way for the heaven that will eventually calm you down. How can you be doing that and the hand you fell is the touch of another and the face you see is the kiss of another. And you live in an imaginary world that only you know, not even your partner is aware that you are more than five million miles away from the moaning and the response of your empty body, WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT? It is the end product of a prolonged disconnection, disaffection, misplacement of value, giving another person your time, all these are known as CHEATING. People see cheating as extra-marital affair, fornication, adultery or a carnal knowledge of another person who is not your partner in the relationship but it is actually the tinniest part of cheating or better still only a physical expression of what has been going on internally or over a long period of time. From my own point of view and exactly how it should be, cheating is the sharing of the quality time that is due to one you have chosen to place value above yourself (LOVE) with another (this implies; dedication, communication, respect). It is generally perceived that men cheat more than women, WRONG… the only misinterpretation here is that men reacts faster to actions from their women (for instance; it is easier for a man to storm out of the house amidst an argument and walk into a bar, order for a bottle beer and almost immediately engage in a distractive conversation with any available female). And this is almost impossible for a woman to do because of the part of the world we find ourselves (Customs and Tradition, Religion) , forgetting that she before now have shared her quality time (Cheating) by placing value above, and loving her mobile devices and television more than the man, with one seemly genuine excuse of am not with another man, I’m in the house and never stepped out so……? Forgetting that any form of distraction or shift in attention and time is cheating. Looking at it from this angle, women actually cheat more, because they believe that the quality time they spend on their mobile devices is not physically felt unlike the men that go out to meet other women. Not forgetting that they are doing it with their minds, their soul and spirit, spending most of the quality time they are supposed to share with their partners on the social media. The difference between quality and quantity time is; quality time implies those things we do out of our daily schedules while quantity time implies our normal day to day routine. Why do men cheat? Men cheat because they need attention that most times their women do not give to them. The women often times do not know that they are the reason why their men cheat, they also activate the cheating mode through a lot of things they do knowingly and unknowingly seeing them as nothing while they mean a lot to the men. How intimate are you with your man… this is a big question? We claim to be in love/intimate but this is most times one-sided. How do you want him to express it, how willing are you to open up, must you be read for him to understand(even if you have to, must you be difficult to understand?), is it by the gifts he brings, is the love you have for him measured by the quantity of cash he douches out. Any day, a financial obligation is not met, there will definitely be a hand in the dark… What do we call that? Are they appreciated, do you appreciate your man… or is he a “Triple M” (Money Making Machine)? What is the essence of calling you a helper when you cannot stand in the gap for him when he is down? Why do we push our men away and cry foul that they are running away? How do you manage him, how do you talk to him, how do you present your case even when you know he is wrong. Who or what is your man to you, how do you talk to him? Are your arms that are supposed to be a feather pillow a thorn and spikes because of the way they are positioned? Is your voice that is meant to be a suiting balm and healing oil or a venom and poison to his soul? Most times what the men need is a tiny pat in the back for a job well done and when they don’t get it from where they believe they ought to get it from, they now wonder out to look for it and this places the woman in a dangerous position because she has opened room for competition which is the main activator of cheating. On another hand, why don’t you believe in change, maybe he has failed you one, two or more times? Do not forget that nobody is in heaven today because of his/her righteousness or perfection but by his/her zeal, enthusiasm and struggle to always be on the right track. That is what we should look out for, “the struggle for perfection and not the mistakes they make”. Most times women do not open their doors for a second chance sincerely, when you forgive with clauses, you are not encouraging a smooth and sincere comeback but encouraging lies, pretence, fear and cheating. Let’s not forget that men are more susceptible to danger and more vulnerable due to the jobs they do and also the reason why they do such jobs (FAMILY). Most male go to any length but only a few men have the willpower to take the right decisions when family is involved (it is the duty of the woman to make him a MALE or a MAN). On the other hand, the man should know that women need beyond explanation and conviction to be cleared on some certain issues, they need assurance on daily basis. Let every unnecessary/unreasonable response or reaction from them not push you away, it is enough reason to flirt, because flirting as we all know is the most harmless game to play when in a relationship and or married and always forgetting that it is also the most dangerous act, it eats deeper than one thinks. Once activated, flirting is an uncontrollable addiction that takes counseling to quit,(easy to start and very hard to quite because it looks harmless to both parties). And it the best and only catalyst that develops cheating faster than you think, know or believe. You do not just flirt with your finger and movement; it is done with your mind, soul and spirit, consciously or unconsciously drifting away from the real you. Finally, Intimacy is far above trust, it is the bedrock of communication because when you are intimate, you always inquire and when you inquire you renew the laws/principles of love every morning. Why flirt, when you are not ready to cheat? Because “flirting” actually is cheating personified. Dr Nnaemeka is of At Peace Centre Abuja]]>

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